The open truth
Hello to those of you reading this. Thank you for taking some of your time to this letter. Its been really hard to write this, but here I go.
Firstly, I would like to send apologies to all of you who have been tuning into Loca Luna’s social media and sending love for the last year and a half. I know I have been absent more than once, and maybe my explanation wont be enough to you and I understand. I may have mentioned a couple of times why I was away and I may have promised to be okay, but the truth is I wasn’t. I was going through one of the hardest moments of my life, sometimes the social world may imply that everything is perfect and I am sorry if I mislead you. I was scared, confused and angry at my own being. So I was trying to convince myself that everything was good and tried to forcibly push forward without listening to my gut feeling. The reason of my many absences was because I had so much negative build up on top of me that social media was just too much and too overwhelming.
Well I felt ashamed for my failures and was in the beginning of a re-discovering journey of myself. So my energy levels were always in the negatives and was battling with so many untreated wounds for almost 9 months.
I tried everything and I mean EVERYTHING to overcome this depression and get my groove and hustle on, but I was never letting myself rest and heal properly because I didn’t want to see myself like I was giving up.
After 6 months deep into this negative spiral I decided to withdraw myself from everything and let my intuition guide me. After all clarity is birthed in space and deep loneliness. Today, as I am writing this I have so many feelings inside of me that were once obtund by a dark cloud that once lived on top of me. With tears running down, I can tell you that INTUITION is everything and it lives in each and every one of us, and I seriously encourage you to find yours as it you best friend, your ally and your teacher.
So why did I mention “I felt ashamed for my failures” ?
Well the reason why Loca Luna was not progressing forward is because it was not born from love. When I first launched Loca Luna (2016) I was a different person, I had a completely different mind set than what I have grown into today. I was battling a lot of traumas and insecurities that I carried since middle school. This time on the other side of the world, with not close friends and family. I remember I was constantly arguing with my mum about my poor life decisions and this just caused severe anxiety and doubt. Please don’t misinterpret this by thinking my mum caused this to me, my mum is a loving woman who just wants the best for her children. Our arguments never came out of hate but from love. It may be hard to see this, but mothers have this nurturing and protective intuition that we must learn to understand. Yes, sometimes it may get a bit too much like in my case but I have never doubt her love for me.
Anyway, I knew that I wanted to be were I was and with who I was, I knew that I wanted to launch my own business, but I also had the anxiety of becoming someone others (NOT MYSELF) could be proud of. It was like I was trying to take the easiest and quickest way to fix a burden that I was carrying. Please never ever do this, take your time to blossom and if you are not there yet trust time and let your intuition guide you. Never rush anything, blossom and grow the way plants do. With time, patience, belief and love. So this is how Loca Luna was born, from crippling anxiety and un-healed trauma.
Loca Luna was never truly what I envisioned so I was unable to pour my heart and soul into it. The fear of giving up and disappointing people never gave me the strength to take a step back for myself, take a breath and start over. Until today. It took me two years to deal with my insecurities, to surrender to my wounds and scars, to heal, and to love and believe in myself again. I could feel my intuition yelling at me, saying “what the hell are you doing this is NOT YOU”. However, I kept on pushing and pushing until I couldn’t anymore. Like a ticking bomb, I exploded.
You might be surprised at my honesty or annoyed by my over emotional being, but I am just following my gut in order to create what I truly love and be happy again. Being completely raw, open and truthful is the first step into my journey of recovery. I would like to take the time and thank a beautiful person who has inspired me to reconnect with my inner self and without her knowing she has helped me dust off the weight off my shoulders and stand up again. Meagan Rock, you are like a waterfall of pouring inspiration, beauty, love and light. I know that I am not the only one your words have touched. I thank you today and everyday for coming into my path and becoming this dazzling ray of intuitive light. I love you.
I would also like to take a moment to say thank you to my amazing husband, Martin. He has abundantly poured courage, inspiration, loads of love and belief in me since day one. Without him Loca Luna would’ve never been born. Thank you for being my sun, my rock and all my stars. You truly are an unbelievable human being with a heart the size of the milky way. Thank you for standing next to me while tangoing through life and my many battles. Without your love and support I would have not made it to the other side. I will be forever grateful to the universe for gifting me you as my life partner. I love you.
Last but not least, thank you to my family and friends who believed in my crazy artistic journey.
This has been really hard to write or say out loud, but it feels like I can finally breath. I would like to add that by telling this story I am not regretting the creation of Loca Luna, I am grateful for the experience and lessons it gave me. I am grateful for letting me find surrender and allowing me to start all over again. I am grateful for such a painful but at the same time loving period of my life. I can tell you it was very tough to stay focused on moving forward, but we are humans and we are here on this earth to make mistakes and grow wise from them. After all, the darkest nights make the brightest stars.
So after all the heart and soul pouring its time to move into the interesting part of this letter. Just like me Loca Luna is also going through big transformations. Sadly, Loca Luna will part ways from us permanently and re-birth into a new and different project. This is a new approach coming together between a collaboration my husband and I have been working on for a couple of months. We are still in the creating process, but we are definitely happy and excited about every single bit of this creation.
Our imagination and curiosity has manifested a creative collaboration of ethically sourced/ home made self loving wellness offerings and well curated art and adornments. We hope that our products serve to awaken your creative light, illuminate your beauty and magnify your magic.
Mercadito Natural has been born through our experimentation and love for natural alternatives to our everyday lives. We are a couple devoted to create an eco minded business that brings out the lost equilibrium between man and nature. A creation beyond consumerism, where commerce delivers a conscious, ethical, beautiful and intuitive way of living.
I am happy to say that we wont be loosing our jewellery collection. Instead we will be merging it into our new creation in a more sustainable approach, without sacrificing style and quality. Our designs will be crafted by using 100% recycled metals including sterling silver and gold. By doing this we will be cutting out the mining factor which is very harmful to the environment. Metals will be recycled from various sources including scrap jewellery, photographic waste and industrial waste. We feel like we as children of this Earth hold the responsibility to care and help our mother to keep breathing love and life for us.
Today I stand stronger than ever, walking forward towards my dreams. Those failures I once dreaded are now one of my greatest lessons. I have come to realise that without them I would’ve never manifested this dream that my partner and I are creating. I am happy and excited at the same time as I have finally unblocked the negative and toxic waste that lived in my head for many years. I am flowing with creative juices and pouring my heart and love to this new path we are creating together.
If you are reading this and you can relate to what I went through please be brave, be strong and be love. Surrender and be patient with yourself. Everything comes in its own time and sometimes we just need to step back and deal with the monsters. I believe in you and if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you. Going through shit like this alone is not easy and sometimes just talking about it releases so much, so feel free to contact me. I will be your friend.
Thank you for reading. All my love to you
xx Natalia Colichon