An open letter to my friend ⟡
Last week I experienced face to face the transition of life and death. Needless to say, I was flowing through powerful turbulence. My heart has been aching in ways I have never experienced before. In the past, I have had death present itself around my circle of life, but never have I witnessed an unfortunate tragedy so up close and personal. I guess for me personally, losing someone to sickness or age has a much more different kind of grieving process, less traumatic in a way.
What I experience a week ago shook me from head to toes, the way an earthquake trembles the soils of Mother Earth. Powerful enough that I am just starting to feel the vibrations wear off.
The start of this new year brought me a gift in human form. The kind of human that gives homesickness a break. This human was beautiful because he walked with only but the kind warmth that lived in his heart. He was different because he allowed himself to feel his experience through life in a raw, unfiltered, unapologetic and sensitive manner.
He believed that one of his missions here on Earth-side was to gift us humans and all of Mama Earth pure and blissful healing, and he did. His intuitive, kind and sensitive nature came from the greatest source of power: LOVE. He always went above and beyond. Instead of just lending you a hand he showered you with his entire being.
He shared a safe space for each friendship he cultivated. He tailored his love to each individual. Making the experience of being his friend sacred and over the moon special.
The universe works in mysterious ways and knows exactly when it's time to call its children back to the shimmering cosmos in order to prepare again for the next life experience/lesson here on Earth-side.
It was hard to understand why my friend left us so suddenly and without any notice.
Mother water was his life long fear, and it's with her his soul now rests. She the almighty queen of the waves and sister to the moon was the one who held him through his last breaths.
Being the one his spirit chose to witness his going away is honourable but at the same time fucking hard. I feel blessed to have been the last one to share one of those loving hugs he enjoyed sharing so much. I am not going to lie and say that guilt doesn’t live inside me. Every time I share this guilt people say to vanish it away, but I pray they understand that it's easier said than done. I know that I did everything in my power to save my friend but the what-ifs will always flow through my mind. I am grateful for being conscious enough to understand that if I jumped in the turbulence of the waters to reach for his hand there was a high possibility that both my friend and I would be sharing the heavens together right now. But that doesn’t change the fact that my heart wishes I could’ve done something to keep him on Earth-side just a little bit longer.
I have chosen to grasp onto spirituality on this long journey of grieving I am in, and I know this decision is the works of the immense love that lives in his spirit.
The way I like to look at this tragic event goes like this:
Your spirit knew a long time ago that your returning to the havens was on its way. People have shared with me how before our friendship your heart was aching for the pleasures of love, home, and companionship. So spirit found you a little piece of home in me. Spirit chose me and protected me through this mission. His plan for your departure was being weaved way before we had the pleasure of meeting. It is through your passing that his works are now starting to be seen. It is without a doubt that spirit works only through the power of love.
Before I met you, spirit was trying to send me warning signs in order to protect me (I guess I still have some work to do here on Earth). I have always been like a fish in Mother Ocean. I grew up dancing to her song and have always kept her as close to me as possible. It is in this body of water that I find peace and safety from the outside world. Whenever my husband and I are engaging to its playful waves we are wrapped in a nurturing blanket. My husband and I have experienced our love always next to this majestic body of water, but it's not until now that he felt the sudden urge to explain what I should do if I ever came upon a situation where someone is drowning. The thought of it all still brings me chills, because without the words of my husband my soul too would have left this Earth. I truly believe this was your spirit protecting me for the event of this past week.
When it was time for us to finally meet we immediately connected as brother and sister and took advantage of the pleasure of having a little piece of home in this bounty unfamiliar red land. We took our friendship with much gratitude and squeezed every drop of it. It is through our friendship that I am pleased to announce that your last moments on Earth were spent in never-ending happiness, comfortableness, love and soul full conversations.
Unconscious of the works of spirit you gifted me angels who held my heart together in moments of darkness and trauma. All the souls who experienced your heart came together as this perfect community and supported one another through this tragedy. Your love was the pillar and the creator of this loving community. I am sure you are smiling down from the heavens as you witness the beauty you have created. Thanks to you I have found myself no longer feeling alone because of this new family you have gifted me.
Spirit also wanted you to make peace with your life-long fear towards the goddess of the oceans, so a couple of days before your passing he gifted you an intimate moment with her where fear was substituted with playfulness and warmth.
I strongly believe that the day of your passing spirit chose for you to leave your vessel within the sweet embrace of the water because it wants to imitate the gentleness of your heart.
After your passing, your spirit was felt in every corner of this little town. Through its mountains and its oceans, but most importantly through all our hearts. I, like everyone else that has been mourning your departure feel the sadness of the loss/emptiness of your physical presence. But at the same time, we feel our hearts being held by the peace and love that yours once beat too.
Thank you for everything! For your friendship, for your time here on Earth, for your love, and for the reminder of what is really important: LOVE. Your passing is heartbreaking but it has re-opened us to appreciate everything that makes up for our lives.
In honour of my small family, we thank you for spreading your love into our home. Forever blessed I will be with you as my guardian angel.
I say goodbye to your physical self and we shall be reunited again when my time comes to join you in the cosmos. Sending you love from Earth to the heavens.
words by ⟡ natalia isabel colichon